Although this class was supposed to show us both the up and down sides of social media, I think we all have to admit that we’ve seen a lot more of the up than the down. It’s only natural for us, well for me, to focus on how change and innovation is going to make my life better, easier, and more organized. It is all too natural to gloss over those things that perhaps make an innovation or change hard to swallow. After yesterday, I am seeing beneath the glossy veneer of social media. After reading my blog for this week, you may too…
I have found the down side of social media, and it’s not what anyone may think it is. The down side of social media is how quickly bad news spreads from person to person, across states and over the ocean. It spreads more quickly via social media than it can from one human being connecting with another.
Yesterday (Monday, November 16), a woman left work to go home for lunch. As she warmed up leftovers in the microwave, she logged onto Facebook to post a message to her three grown sons’ pages, something she typically does on Mondays. On her youngest son’s page, she sees hundreds of messages that read, “RIP Ryan,” “I’m glad you were preparing to do something you love,” “Much love from all your boys,” etc.
As she grabs for the kitchen counter, her mind reeling I’m sure, the doorbell rings and she hears a key in the lock. It is her middle son Brady, who walks in. He has come to tell his mom in person that Ryan is dead. You see, Ryan was cleaning his gun at his house in Bismarck sometime on Sunday or early Monday (we’re not sure exactly what time yet) when it went off and he shot himself in the head. When he didn’t show up to go hunting with his buddies on Monday morning, they went to his apartment and found him. Not wanting to tell his mom this horrible news over the telephone, Brady jumped in the car and drove the five hours to his mother’s house to tell her in person. However, he was too late; Facebook had already broken the news to her.
Who is Ryan? A boy I went to high school with…
I cannot possibly imagine learning of such a life shattering event in this way. It is horrible enough that something like this happened; it is truly unspeakable to think of finding out in such a cold, impersonal way. My first thought was anger toward those people that posted on Ryan’s page. How could they be so callous? Why couldn’t they have waited? But of course the rational side of me quickly takes over. How could they not post those nice messages to someone that was a friend to everybody? How would they have known that Ryan’s mom hadn’t been told yet, and that she habitually posted to his page every Monday? They couldn’t have; they were just expressing sympathy and memories in the way most readily available to them.
The long and short of my blog is that no one posted to his blog as a way to hurt his mom and his family, but they did. They posted to show how much they loved him and how much they will miss him, and their posts will mean that to his family later on. It’s just that right now, Facebook probably isn’t at the top of their list of friends, but it will be, when they’re ready…
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I am so sorry to hear about this horrible accident.
ReplyDeleteI have heard of this issue, although in a much lighter way, when people have had babies or got engaged or whatever and wanted to share the news in person with family and close friends, but others already posted to their Facebook account. I had this happen when I got pregnant, but I was able to delete the post soon enough and just sent an email to the person letting them know it was not personal, just I wasn't telling the whole world yet.
I hope his family is ok and I feel so bad for them!
That is such a sad story. I know people are so quick to write RIP and memories and even create memorial groups just moments after finding out about someone's passing. Even though the intent of that is good, is it too soon?
ReplyDeleteI have also heard of people finding out about engagements on the internet. That's how I found out about my cousin's engagement. I can understand finding out about an old friend's engagement via Facebook, but a family member?! Also, when I get engaged, I am going to make it a point to not change my status for at least a month. I made that decision a while ago. :)
There was a similar story that happened back in my hometown this fall. A girl was going to college in Williston when her mom back in Watford City passed away. The girl's grandfather drove the hour up to Williston to make sure he told her before she found out on Facebook. It will be interesting to see where this pattern goes. Facebook is increasingly becoming a way of instant communication, but unlike a phone call every one of your friends can see when you put something on the wall. Hopefully people will consider stories like these before impulsively sharing their thoughts via social media.
ReplyDeleteThe speed of communication has both its perks and problems. On a daily basis I use the internet to communicate with friends, family and associates across the globe in a quick and easy manner. Facebook allows me to keep up with the latest news from my friends and see what our children are doing.
ReplyDeleteYet I would prefer bad news to remain private and not broadcasted – I would want time to compose myself before dealing with others.
A parents’ worst nightmare is seeing their child parish before they do - I can not even image the pain the family is enduring. Please extend my sympathy to the parents and family of this young man.
You make a very good point in your post! We do always seem to try and look at the better side of things with social media. It is crazy how fast news spread in general with social media, especially like you mentioned Facebook. I have found out good and bad new through Facebook, some have been complete shockers. At first, there is a feeling of anger sometimes but in the end you are glad it happened that way for some reason. It may not have been the way you expected to find out, but that is just the way it did and you can’t change it. I cannot even imagine going back to before everyone had these social networking sites and seeing how slow you would have found out compared to now with them.
ReplyDeleteThat is a very sad story. Imagine how that mother felt, reading those things on Facebook. A similar thing happened to me yesterday (not to quite the same extent), as I was checking Facebook. My best friend who is practically my sister, who I grew up with and still see very often had "RIP Grandma. I love you" as her status, written five minutes previous.
ReplyDeleteI got a phone call from her a few minutes later to talk to me about her grandmother's death. Since she goes to school at NDSU, it was frustrating to not be there for her (I have no car and the last play production was in a half an hour). I wanted to hug her, but I couldn't, and that was horrible.
I am going to see her this Thanksgiving, so we can talk about it more extensively then, but I can speak from experience that Facebook is a horrible way to find out someone has died. Also, some RIP's on Facebook are jokes, like "RIP Faceboo" (a fake Facebook profile that the initiator was ceasing). So that blurs the line even more between reality and Facebook.
Heather -
ReplyDeleteThis is so sad to hear about this tragedy. I can't believe that this could happen, but in fact it does. I have seen many of my high school friends post messages to lost friends when these tragedies do occur. I have to say that for some of these instances, it is the first time that I hear about it, on Facebook. Other times I will get texts about what is going on, but for the most part, I am sad to say that those messages travel fast.